I've been what one would consider an "adult" for almost eighteen years now. I can honestly say that there are many great moments and advantages to being an adult, but more often I find myself wishing I would have listened to my mom and not wished my childhood away. The responsibilities that come with being an adult outweigh the fun and benefits most days. For me, the toughest challenge lies in caring for my family.
All parents want the best for their children, wish to provide for them financially, wish to give them more than they had as a child, and wish to get past the point of living paycheck to paycheck. I am no different in my desires for my own children and my own family. I find myself often thinking about the many obstacles that seem to stand in the way of allowing me to feel as though I have reached this point in my life. I also find myself fearing that I may never reach the level I wish to be for my family and for myself.
From the time I was old enough to remember, I would make my much older brother play school with me. He was the greatest of older brothers! He never complained that this was an everyday occurrence, or that the pretend school day may last for hours. It was from these first playtime moments that I dreamt of being a teacher. I dreamt of making a difference in a child's life and wishing at least one child would grow up and say that Mrs. Terrell was their favorite teacher the way I say Mrs. Moore was my favorite teacher. I dreamt of decorating my classroom, laughter filling the playground, and many hugs. I dreamt of evenings with my own children after school and summers full of days off from scheduled work hours.
My road to making my dream come true was a rather difficult and untraditional one. I had taken some college classes my last year in high school, but then chose to marry my high school sweetheart within a week of graduating. Due to the health of my mother we decided to quickly start a family. Within three months of being married I was pregnant. I ended up choosing to withdraw from school due to having such a difficult pregnancy and being on bed rest. It wasn't until I had my second son and my mother passed away five years after getting married that I decided it was time to go back to college. I babysat during the day and cared for my own children, then swapped places with my husband and parent duties and headed to night classes at the local community college. I was determined to only take two years to finish my degree and maintain all "A's" while doing it. The joy I felt walking across that stage and hearing my little boys yelling for me compared to no other feeling in my life!
I quickly applied to a four year university to complete my other two years of school towards a Bachelor's degree in Elementary Education with a great desire to pursue my passion for teaching. I was able to get a Paraprofessional position within the local school district and continue taking courses an hour and a half a way to get my degree. I drove four days a week and gave up many hours with my children, knowing it was all for a career and a better future for my family in the end. In May 2005 I walked across the stage and received my Bachelor's degree and a huge sense of accomplishment and pride.
I accepted my first elementary teacher classroom position the following summer and began teaching the most amazing group of 4th graders. Unless you really know me or took the time to ask me, I doubt you know the trials of that year. I spent seven days a week in my classroom, in the hopes that I would be the best teacher I could ever hope to be. Instead, I found out about the politics and small town bullying that too often occur. My dreams of a life long career in the one area I was passionate about were taken away from me due to bullying and politics, without a second thought as to how this would impact my family or me.
I am here today eight years later. I have sacrificed, worked two and three jobs at a time, went back to school for a second degree and am currently working on a Master's, have listened to the gossip, have been labeled by others, and have received many harsh comments by so-called "friends". By my close friends I have been praised for never giving up, have been told I am one of the strongest people they know, have been loved, have received countless encouraging words, and have never been judged.
When I look in the mirror what do I see? I see a mother and a wife who would move mountains for my family! I see someone who has pretended for these last eight years that the gossip and comments don't hurt. I see a strong woman who has realized who her real friends are. I see someone who has the love and support of a husband and two boys who could care less what anyone else thinks about me. I see a believer in God who knows He has a plan for me.
Some days I think I have came to peace with my "career" of working multiple jobs and continually looking for the opportunity to only work one full-time position. Other days I fear I will never have a true "career". The choice I made to pursue a second degree in Psychology and now work towards a Master's in Counseling is my next opportunity at the "career". Maybe I will still have the opportunity for a child to grow up and say I made a difference in their life through listening and counseling them in the darkest days of their life.
One of my favorite quotes has always been..."If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours. If it does not, it was never meant to be." I took a huge step in letting go of teaching by selling all of my classroom supplies and memories this last year. It was through this quote that I came to realize I may have been bullied out of my dream, but no one will ever take away the love and dedication to those students within the four walls of a fourth grade classroom eight years ago.
I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm not willing to listen to the negativity and hurtful comments. I'm ready and worthy of a counseling career and true happiness at my second passion.
My Reasons for NOT Giving Up!!!
