Some days it seems like a Lifetime, but other days it was yesterday...

January 9, 2001- One of those days in my life that no matter how much I would like to pretend it didn't happen, the truth is it did. The truth is that on that day thirteen years ago my life changed in a way that I was not prepared for, a way that would forever make me a different person...a girl without her mother.

I am just one of six that felt that same sense of loneliness and pure loss that day thirteen years ago. Each of us were attempting to handle this loss in our own way, while at the same time trying our best to be strong for our own children and mostly for the man who just lost his wife of forty-five years, our Dad. This day had come after a seven year battle with cancer, a variety of surgeries, chemo treatments, radiation treatments, partial paralysis, Hospice services, and day to day trials and side effects of the cancer.

Throughout this journey good things happened too. We were a family starting forty-five years ago, but the "C" word made us a family in a whole new sense. This whole new sense of family evolved as we stood in the chapel holding hands and praying for God not to take our Mother away when she was first diagnosed with cancer, each time we all took turns spending the day caring for Mom in order for Dad to work, the holidays we spent together making memories and watching Mom smile, cherishing each moment Mom was able to spend with the grandchildren, and the way we held hands around Mom's hospital bed and sang hymns as she entered into Heaven and left behind the sickness and pain.

January 9, 2014 - Thirteen years have passed since I lost the one woman I called Mom. What have I learned from the loss of my Mom after having thirteen years to think about it? What do I want others to know about my Mom? What do I want this day to be about?

I truly understand how the words "I'm sorry" do not help ease the pain of losing a parent, but those who say it are making a valiant effort to help in some small way. I have learned that people will tell you time heals all pain or that things will get better with time. These statements are not accurate. After a loss this significant, I have learned to live my life without my Mom. The pain is not healed and things have not gotten better over time. I have grown and adapted better over time to my new life, a life without a Mom. In addition, these thirteen years have helped me realize that I was so very lucky to have twenty-one years with my Mom, the opportunity to share the birth of both of my children with her, a childhood with a mother who always put her children first, and a guardian angel watching over me each day.

I feel so very blessed to have had a mother that was loving, hard working, a Christian, dedicated to her family, a true fighter, a beautiful wife and mother, a good listener, and the one that God chose for me. These are the qualities I want to remember, others to remember, and most of all my children to know about her. Each January I dread this day. I know that it will be hard and that I will send text messages to my siblings, cry at some point, want to curl up in my bed and forget it all happened, and pray. Although I do the majority of those things each year, I also make a point to talk to my children on this day. I tell my boys some of the amazing memories I have of their grandma, the fact that she loved both of them so much, and we make the annual meal of Mom's meatloaf, homemade macaroni and cheese, corn, and mashed potatoes.

Thirteen years later and I am surviving without my Mom. I am not taking the moments I have with my children for granted. I have come to realize that God is here for me and will help me through anything. I have realized that I am strong and part of that is thanks to the strength I gained from my Mom.

I miss and love you everyday Mom and will never forget you or let others forget you.

                                                        Virginia Maxine Sedgwick Oden